All According to the Resume
by Bookworm85
Summary: The Light interview an applicant for the position of mad scientist. Sequel to All According to the Plan.


A/N- This is a sequel to 'All According to the Plan.' You don't have to read it to understand this story, but this story does contain references to the first story.

All According to the Resume

"Tell me again why we have to do this?" Queen Bee said in a tone that sounded suspiciously like whining.

Lex Luthor waited before responding, not because he had to think of an answer but to show the spoiled ruler than he was one man that she did not control. "We need to replace the scientists who were arrested last week. I have already narrowed the list down to a few applicants. You know you would complain if I unilaterally decided on the final hire."

"Can we torture the applicants?" Klarion asked hopefully.

"No," Luthor said.

"But if they can withstand torture and they still want the job, then that would be a good sign, wouldn't it?" Klarion said.

"We'll consider it if we need another round of interviews," Luthor promised, eager to move on. He really did have more important things to do than interviewing candidates. A knock sounded at the door. "Come in," he called.

The man who entered looked every bit the stereotypical "mad scientist." His snow white hair stuck out in every direction like he had been electrocuted. He wore a white lab coat, long black rubber gloves, and thick glasses. "Greetings," he said. He approached the table where the members of the Light sat and placed a single sheet of paper in front of each of them.

"Doctor... Vile- Doc? Really?" Vandal Savage asked after checking the resume in front of him.

"It's pronounced vill- uh-doc," the man said.

Vandal Savage turned his skeptical look toward Luthor. Luthor shrugged. "I had him vetted."

"Tell us what makes you qualified for this position, Doctor Viledoc," Ra's ordered.

"I built a Death Ray using household materials," Doctor Viledoc said.

"Really? Just household materials?" Ra's asked.

"Well, and a smidge of plutonium. It was in the garage, so household and garagehold materials."

"You're weird," Klarion decided. "I like you."

Doctor Viledoc looked at Klarion like he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. "You are looking for a morally questionable mad scientist. I am at least two of those things."

Ra's and Vandal Savage tilted their heads to the side. They both considered asking, but neither wanted to be the first to ask.

"How do you feel about taking orders from women?" Queen Bee asked.

"I have no problem taking orders from anyone who pays the bills. Except chickens. They're planning something nefarious, I know it," Doctor Viledoc said.

"Do you have designs for world domination?" Vandal Savage asked.

"I designed a blueprint in third grade based on a dream I had, but the chickens broke into the house and ate it all. I was never able to completely reconstruct it."

"I mean, do you want to take over the world?" Vandal Savage clarified.

"Nah, I'm too busy with my projects. Besides, once I take over the world, I would have to constantly be on guard for people trying to overthrow me. I need twelve hours of sleep, every night."

"If you sleep twelve hours a night, how many hours can you dedicate to work?" Black Manta said.

"The other twelve. Work and sleep is all I do. I think about work every waking hour. Since I arrived here, I've mentally invented three perpetual motion devices, and discarded one because I don't have access to enough ferrets."

There was a pause where several of the villains considered asking, and then decided not to. "How much are you asking for a yearly salary?" Lex Luthor asked.

"One hundred quintillion dollars." There was a pause, then the doctor laughed. "That was a joke. I'm not that good of a mad scientist."

"Does this mean he's not morally questionable?" Klarion stage-whispered. Then, he continued in his normal voice to the scientist, "Never sell yourself short in an interview. I told these fools that I was a level 10 Chaos Lord. They didn't realize that the levels only go up to 8."

Luthor gritted his teeth. He was quickly tiring of Klarion's antics. "Perhaps we could interview him without you giving unsolicited advice?" he asked calmly.

Klarion pouted. He opened a small portal next to him. A small demon, the size of a puppy jumped out and landed on the table in front of the Lord of Chaos. Klarion idly pet the creature.

"Is that a baby hellhound? I've always wanted to meet one," Doctor Viledoc said eagerly.

"Klarion," Luthor said firmly. The Lord of Chaos sighed and reopened the portal. The small demon hopped back through.

"You can't tell me what to do," Klarion grumbled under his breath. Luthor made a mental note to increase the protection wards around his homes and businesses so Klarion wouldn't be able to get into them. There was no telling what Klarion would do to retaliate if he felt bossed around.

"How much would you really want?" Ra's asked, bringing the focus back to the interview.

"Enough for my supplies. Five hundred thousand a year?"

"I thought you said you mostly used household supplies," Queen Bee grumbled. She was having trouble squeezing more tax money from her impoverished nation and was loath to increase expenditures.

"And plutonium," Doctor Viledoc reminded.

"Considering his expertise, he would be replacing all three scientists that we lost to the police. We would be saving money by only having one salary instead of three," Ra's said smoothly. He turned his attention to the quietest member of their group. "You've been quiet, Brain. What do you think?" There was no response. "Brain?"

The Brain looked up. "Hmm? I- what?"

"Should we hire this guy to be our new scientist or look at more candidates?"

"Mmm, sure. 'oo-ever you want."

"Were you even listening to the interview? What are you doing on your phone?"

"Nothing!" the Brain said defensively. "Important things."

"Like what?" Ra's said irritably.

"All zee important things!"

Klarion leaned over to see the screen better. "Are you playing Angry Birds?"

"Definitely not!" the Brain said quickly, then turned off the screen so the others couldn't see what he had been doing.

Lex Luthor rolled his eyes and questioned why he had chosen to team up with the others. He reminded himself of his plan to take down the others once they had achieved world domination, and that thought was enough for him to plaster a smile on his face. "Doctor Viledoc, we would like to offer you this position, if you are still interested."

"Of course. It's hard to find someone who will financially support my hobbies," Doctor Viledoc said.

"Great. We require weekly updates. Why don't you head down the hall to your lab to get started on your work?" Luthor said.

Doctor Viledoc smiled. "Thank you for this great opportunity. I won't let you down." He exited the room.

"Are we done?" Queen Bee asked, bored.

"Well, we still need to hire another henchman to replace... what's-his-name," Black Manta said.

"The guy who came in last week to report that the money laundering scheme near Happy Harbor went up in flames?" Ra's asked.

"Yeah, him," Black Manta said. "He quit."

"I thought we were less than terrifying. Why would he quit?" Queen Bee mused.

"We must have scared him more than we thought. He changed his name. Moved to Sweden to become a fisherman," Black Manta said.

"Sweden has fishing?" Queen Bee said.

"It has over 3,000 kilometers of coastline. Of course they have fishing."

"Excuse me, Mr. Encyclopedia Britannica."

"I take offence to that nickname, since it should be attributed to me," the Brain interjected.

"Sure thing, Brain-Drain," Klarion said.

"I am more intelligent than any three of you combined!" the Brain protested angrily.

"Which one was he not?" Vandal Savage ignored the current argument in favor of the thing that had bothering him for the last several minutes.

"Which one what?" Ra's asked.

"Oh! Morally questionable mad scientist. He said he was at least two of the three. Which one was he not? Or is he all three because he said 'at least,' " Klarion said.

"It would be a problem if he was not morally questionable. If he had good morals, how could we expect his loyalty to an evil organization?" Vandal Savage mused.

"It wouldn't be a bad thing if he wasn't mad. We have enough mad people working here as it is." Black Manta's helmet kept the others from seeing his eyes or facial expression, but his tone insinuated that everyone at the table was less sane than he was.

"What are you implying?" Queen Bee demanded. "I will make you fall to your knees and beg my forgiveness."

Luthor suppressed a sigh. Queen Bee's short temper was one of her less attractive attributes. He opened his mouth to say something calming when Klarion spoke first.

"Well, let's just ask him." Klarion waved his hand, and a portal opened up in front of them. Doctor Viledoc stepped through.

"Oh, that is interesting. I would have thought a demonic portal would be hot, but it was actually cold. I have questions about-" Doctor Viledoc was cut off mid-sentence.

"Which one are you not?" Klarion asked.

Surprisingly, the other man instantly knew what Klarion was talking about. "I was wondering when someone was going to ask about it. 'Morally questionable mad scientist.' Don't worry, I am very questionable with my morality."

"So you're not mad?" Savage asked.

"I'm quite mad. It's the only way for me to remain morally questionable."

"You're not... a scientist?" Savage asked slowly.

"Correct. People always get it wrong. Technically, I'm not a mad scientist. I'm a mad engineer," Doctor Viledoc said.

The seven members of the Light stared at him. Luthor recovered first. "You may go, doctor."

Doctor Viledoc bowed, and walked back through the portal, which had stayed open during this exchange. Klarion waved a hand and the portal disappeared.

"Let's work harder to not kill off or scare off our lackeys," Ras's said. "I don't have time to do this again."

"I thought it was fun," Klarion said. "Next time, I get to torture the applicants."

-End-


End file.
